Life as a boat: Do you feel seaworthy?

So, in some ways, it's been a tough year for me. The purpose of this post is not to catalogue why, rather it is more to document some thoughts I've been processing as a result.

But first, I'm going to post some more boat pictures, because, well, that is what I do. Take a look at these before and after shots.

THEN

When we moved here more than 2 1/2 years ago, this boat was one of the more aesthetically -pleasing little boats anchored in our neighborhood along the ria (my first boats post and an explanation of the ria can be found here). For good reason it was one of my favorite subjects to photograph in those early days of exploration.

NOW

Clearly, time has not been too good for this poor boat. Surely if one word could describe its existence for the last 2 1/2 years that word would be 'neglect.'

You can see that the boat was once brightly painted, but now it's defining color is the mucky brown-green that you see. Parts of the boat are missing and have simply washed away. Clearly, the poor little guy is not seaworthy anymore. The constant rhythm of tides coming in and out has been harsh.

So what does this have to do with having a hard year? During a recent conference I sat in on a 1-hour session on 'Soul Care.' My main purpose in doing so was to grow as a team leader, but by the end of the hour I was left asking myself if I was at least a little emotionally exhausted. That conference was a month ago, and I finally had the time today to sit down and process through that hour of my life. What came out in my journal was a jumble of questions, images, and ideas. And it came out a little like this.

At times life seems like it is a rickety boat, packed so full of people and goods that it's hardly afloat. There are places the water leaks in. In other places waves that are not even all that big splash over the sides. The boat may have a destination, but it doesn't move all that fast, or all that well. It is difficult to turn, and at the same time hard to keep on a straight course. The wind and the waves continually work against it. On good days, the sun is a welcome blessing. On others it feels like a hardship that can't be escaped. We keep all of our energy and attention focused on keeping the boat afloat and on course. We bail water constantly and we're always struggling to keep it moving in the right direction.

Kinda dark, isn't it? Perhaps a little harsh? Where's the joy? Where's the hope? Where's the redemption? The happy ending? I'm a Christian after all - where's the victorious living in that?

My whole life I've been taught, if not told, (and I think I still believe this to a point) that if we stop worrying so much about keeping the boat afloat and moving in the right direction, and seek more of Jesus - if we strengthen our relationship and connection with him - that the other stuff takes care of itself. Or it magically gets better. We are to be a joy-filled people, are we not? Maybe no pastors, sunday school teachers, or youth leaders ever directly said so, but isn't this what we more or less believe and propagate with unspoken messages in our churches? That the Christian life should be a struggle-free life because Jesus is now the captain of our ship.

The thing is, and I think most of us know this in our heads, Jesus never promised easy living. In fact I'm pretty sure he generally predicts more hard times than good ones for his followers - at least for our time here on earth. I'm reminded of the image of Jesus as the odd lifeguard - the one who swims out to save the drowning girl, but instead drowns with her, comes back to life three days later, and walks of the beach saying everything is fine while the girl remains dead. It's a strange image, but his plan seems to be not the way most of us would use divine power. What's he all about? Why doesn't his plan always make sense to us?

I think we really like the idea that Jesus is going to fix the boat - plug the holes, give it a fresh bit of paint, make it bigger, more comfortable, and then steer us to safety. Most of us realize we need help, and wouldn't it be great if Jesus could fix everything just like that! I'm not downplaying the power of life-change that Jesus and the Holy Spirit can work in a person. It can and should be dramatic at times. But the reality is someday each one of our boats is going to sink. It might be overwhelmed by the waves, it might be dashed against the rocks, it might simply slip quietly beneath the surface. Put simply, we are all going to die. Many or most of us will feel overcome by life - at least once.

The other reality here is that Jesus mostly promises to be with us in our suffering, not to remove it. I suspect that we're slower to teach and talk about suffering than we ought to be in our churches and communities of faith. Sure, we're not bad about talking about the suffering of others - the further removed we are from those who are suffering the easier it is to talk about. But to talk about our suffering - mine, yours - that's pretty intimate, and it doesn't feel very victorious. But I'm becoming increasingly convinced that we need to get better at this both individually and collectively. Dramatic life-change is real, and we need to be asking for it, talking about it with each other, and telling others about it. But it's not the only thing. The struggle of life in our fallen world is also real. We all experience it - even Christians. And the fact that Jesus is right there with us through the dark or hard times is just as much a miracle as the dramatically changed life, and that too is worthy of our sermons, prayers, and conversations.

Both the world and Jesus (see: Jesus, thoughts on pharisees) have little use for a people who pretend to have it all together because they worship the right way or have the right religion. What Jesus and the world are both looking for are real people, genuine in their witness and faith to who Jesus is, and to the difference he makes in our lives - including his presence during the times we feel lost at sea.

So, how seaworthy do you feel right now?

So it's been 4 months...

Ok - great way to keep readers coming right? Blog once every 4 months. We had a busy summer, highlighted by a successful 10 week visit to the states. It's not that I don't have stuff to blog about. It's just I havn't been taking the time to do so.

Like for instance, I could blog about how today is the 8 year anniversary of 9/11. I could review my memories of the day and try to come up with a serious, solemn, appropriate, and thoughtful comment about it. But I think that's both beyond me today, and being done in far better ways by people far more talented than I am.

I did drop the all-important recommendation below for Owl City today.

At any rate, it's my intention to be a more proactive blogger. I'm in a couple of good books that should give more fodder.

Stay tuned!

Would Jesus make a good lifeguard?

About a month ago I was musing about things Jesus says that don't sound like he would say them.

In general, I've been rediscovering how hard, challenging, confusing, and seemingly random Jesus can be.  Because of this I've started to read Robert Farrar Capon's book Kingdom, Grace, Judgment:  Paradox, Outrage, and Vindication in the Parables of Jesus.  I'm only a few chapters in, but it is promising to be a really good and thought provoking book. 

He had this to say about the Jesus presented in the Bible: 

The New Testament proclaims an unlikely Savior.  The work of Jesus in his incarnation, life, passion, death, resurrection, and ascension makes no worldly sense at all.  The portrait the Gospels paint is that of a lifeguard who leaps into the surf, swims to the drowning girl, and then, instead of doing a cross-chest carry, drowns with her, revives three days later, and walks off the beach with assurances that everything including the apparently still-dead girl, is hunky-dory. 

What a great way to explain how upside-down God's plan seems to us.

That doesn't sound like Jesus...

"In the middle of the last century the British writer C.S. Lewis got it shockingly right:

A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things that Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic - on the level with a man who says he is a poached egg - or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left this open to us. He did not intend to.

In other words, Jesus will not be domesticated. But people still try. There seems to be something about this man for everybody. So we pick and choose in a way that shows he is on our side. All over the world, having Jesus on your side is a good thing. But not the original, undomesticated, unadjusted Jesus. Just the revised Jesus that fits our religion or political platform or lifestyle."

This quote is from John Piper's book Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. It caught my attention as I had been thinking and experiencing this theme recently as I read through Mark. After thousands of years of Christians reading the gospels collectively, and for the countless times I've read or heard the gospel stories over my own life, Jesus still remains surprising and catches us (and me) off guard. Have you ever read something in the gospels and thought, "That doesn't sound like something Jesus would say."? When that happens, it's an indication of how we are relating to Jesus. Too often I've been in the boat of trying to fit Jesus into my worldview rather than trying to adjust my worldview to Jesus. May Jesus continue to surprise us all.

Everything is possible

I love it when I encounter something in the Bible I havn't recognized or considered before.  I was reading in Mark chapter 9 today when I was really struck by a voice that just resonated as familiar to me.  

Setting the stage a little, Jesus was returning from the Transfiguration with Peter, James, and John to discover the other disciples in the midst of a crowd arguing with the teachers of the law.  (Side note: we are told that "as soon as" the crowd recognized Jesus they were "overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him."  Nobody seems to ignite a response like Jesus.)  At the center of it all was a father who brought his demon possessed boy and asked the disciples to throw it out.  They couldn't, and this verbal melee ensued, attracting the attention of a growing crowd.  You can almost hear Jesus sigh and roll his eyes as he says "Oh unbelieving generation, how long shall I stay with you?  How long shall I put up with you?"  It struck me today how publicly he expressed his frustration with the disciples.  He sounds like an exasperated parent or teacher.  In my imagination this is directed mostly at the disciples, but it certainly could have applied to the entire crowd.  

Jesus asks for the boy and learns from the father that since childhood the demon has been throwing the boy to the ground with convulsions, gnashing of teeth, foaming at the mouth, and he becomes rigid.  What is more, the father says the demon frequently throws the boy into fire and water trying to kill him.  Can you imagine how tired and frustrated the father must have felt in the situation?  He must have felt exhausted, helpless, and hopeless.  Perhaps not completely hopeless, for he had come to the disciples looking for some relief.  But even that resulted in yet another disappointment when they could not do anything for his son, and instead, an argument broke out with the teachers of the law.  

This is the situation that Jesus walks into, and the father says to Jesus, "If you can do anything, take pity on us, and help us."  I find it interesting that in his exasperation, the request is not only to heal the son, but to help "us."  Because the suffering is not the son's alone.  Jesus' response is one that I think I would often expect from the one who created the universe, but I don't feel like we often see in Jesus.  He repeats back to the father what he had said, "If you can?"  In our culture you expect that to be spoken with incredulousness, or perhaps some mocking.  If you can??  Ha!  You don't believe I can??  I won't pretend to know what was going through Jesus' mind.  But I know that I am tempted to respond with some self-righteous defensive lecture when my ability is questioned.  But whatever prompted Jesus to repeat that phrase, he continues simply saying "everything is possible for him who believes."  

It's the father's response that sounded so familiar and hit so close to home.  His response is immediate and instantaneous, as well as desperate, eager, and contradictory.  "I do believe; help me with my unbelief!"  He does believe, he desires to believe, he so badly needs to believe.  But he needs help to get there too.  I'm pretty sure this is where so many of us often find ourselves.  In places of need, with hope and fear, faith and doubt, wanting help, and needing Jesus to show up and help us to even make healing possible.  

 I know for me it is easy at times to feel small and helpless, overwhelmed either by circumstances, or a task before me.  I know in my head God is able to do all, and be all we need.  But that knowledge is always within a context of hope and fear, and faith and doubt.  Like the father, I somehow can both believe and yet need help to get over my unbelief.  

It's interesting that the bible never follows up to share with us how the father responded to Jesus casting out the demon (if you didn't suspect this ended with Jesus casting out the demon, you can rest easy now).  That omission allowed me to take some time and reflect on my own response to Jesus bridging the gap between the two of us to act in my own life. 

Thank you Jesus that your love, faith, and power are all greater than my own shortcomings.  Continue to grow my faith to help me overcome my unbelief and strengthen my belief.  Thank you for caring.  Thank you for being involved.  All I could ever hope to become is totally dependent on you.  

Indestructible Joy

Consider joy for a moment.  How much joy do you have in your life?  How many people do you know would describe you as joyful?  I imagine that many people are like me - I have moments of joy for sure, and in general live satisfied with the moment.  I'm not sure how much joy I would say I experience on a daily basis, and I'm not sure anyone would describe me to someone who doesn't know me as joyful.  I find that it is far easier me to understand, access, and live in the peace that Christ gives than in the joy we are to have when Christ lives in us.  It's a them I've visited at various times in my life.  I'm not great at answers - the only one I can come up with is that in the end, I still need more of Jesus.  

Today's musings were prompted by a chapter in the book Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper.  I read the chapter today about indestructible joy, and I want to share some of his insights. 

"Salvation is not mainly for the forgiveness of sins, but mainly the fellowship of Jesus (1 Corinthians 1:9).  Forgiveness gets everything out of the way so this can happen.  If this fellowship is not all-satisfying, there is no great salvation.  If Christ is gloomy, or even calmly stoical, eternity will be a long, long sigh."

This simple thought struck me because for much of my young christian life I imagined heaven as not being all that exciting of a place.  It wasn't until I experienced the power of the Holy Spirit in communal repentance and worship during a revival that I finally understood the purpose of eternity with Christ.  

Piper made some other points about how from eternity Jesus has been the mirror of God's infinite mirth and about Jesus being the happiest being in the universe.  This is not often the way that we think of Jesus - and I think this is true of Christians as much as those who don't claim Jesus.  He then points out how this joy was not some pie in the sky joy that ignores the pain and suffering that exists in our world.  Jesus was, after all, "a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief" according to Isaiah.  Piper states that "Indomitable joy does not mean there is only joy."  Jesus was complex, but not confused, and that "There were divergent notes in the music of his soul, but the result was a symphony."  

It's been a long time since I've connected with a pre-written prayer, but the prayer Piper wrote at the end of this chapter was pertinent enough to me, I'd like to copy the prayer in it's entirety for the benefit of others.  

"Father, it is a great comfort to us that you and your son are never glib and never gloomy.  We delight in the truth that you can be infinitely happy without being callous to our pain.  We stand in wonder that the light of Jesus' joy makes a rainbow in the tears on his face.  We long to be like this.  We want to be strong and unshakable in the joy of our faith.  But we don't want to be oblivious to the grievousness of our own sin or the pain of other people's distress.  O God, fulfill in us the purpose of your Son in promising that his joy would be in us and that our joy would be full.  Make the fruit of the Spirit - joy - flourish in our lives.  Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we may rejoice and be glad in you.  Waken our slumbering souls from the sleep of listlessness.  Take away the lukewarmness of our hearts.  Fan the flame  of zeal for the glory of your name.  May Christ so dwell in our hearts with his indestructible joy that day by day we are conformed more and more to his glad image.  And so may we be a place of refuge and eternal refreshment for a hopeless, joy-seeking world of people who do not know they are starved for the glory of gladness of God in Jesus Christ.  In his name we pray, amen."

Welcome to the Family

The sad truth is there are many things in our life that almost demand to be blogged about.  The even sadder truth is I have little time to capture many of them during some of the crazier times of life.  Within the last two weeks we visited Amsterdam, enjoyed a visit from some pilgrim friends, took yet another test in our Spanish class, and purchased a new car.  Today, I choose to blog about the car.  Stay tuned for details on the rest (or - if you can't wait, check out Faith's blog).  

I had hoped to get a goodbye picture and post a fitting obit for our first car here in Spain.  There was never a good time or place to get a picture of the poor old broken-down car.  It died for the last time almost a month ago on us.  In the end I think it's more fitting to post the picture above from happier times.  It was taken during our first week in Spain - we were learning how to drive stick, we had yet to put any of our numerous dings and scratches into it, its engine had not yet begun to decompose, and it was still under 300,000 kilometers.  I won't miss how it became unreliable, but I will miss how comfortable it had become to us.  It truly became 'ours' in the short time we had it, and I do miss it a little.  I will always have a soft spot in my memory for it.  

Having said that, we are definitely ready to move on to the next - and expectedly more reliable - chapter in our automobiling life.  We were excited to finally bring our new car home tonight, a mere two weeks after we signed the papers to buy it.  It is a 2008 Toyota Corolla Verso.  You can't tell by the picture below, but it actually has 7 seats inside.  It's not a sedan, but it's not quite a minivan.  Either way, we are glad to have a vehicle with the flexibility to add in a few extra passengers when needed. 

Faith and I are considering naming it Zwarte Piet - after the culturally awkward and uncomfortable Christmas helper of Sinterklaas in Holland.  Zwarte is the Dutch word for black, and you might guess how to translate Sinterklaas.  In Holland, Santa's helpers aren't little green elves, rather, he/they are black guys named Pete.  Only, in their holiday tradition, white folks put on black face paint and dress up in a manner that, at least where I come from, is so offensive that you might describe it as beyond offensive.  Yet somehow, being the Dutch, and being in Holland, it brings a smile to my face.  Does that make me a bad person?

Last week our family took a walk through central Amsterdam on the day that happened to be the day that Santa comes to Amsterdam.  There is a parade and everything.  I only saw one Sinterklaas, but downtown was swarming with Zwarte Petes.  Faith caught this Zwarte Pete on film as he was handing out candy and cookies to all the kids. 

Takeaways

And I'm not talking about turnovers in football (Go Bears!). I'm resisting the temptation to write some lengthy and flowery post about the grand things I learned on my walk. I think it's easier to bring together a few random points I think I learned along the way. Some may tie together, others may not. So in no particular order, here are some lessons I hope stay with me from my camino.

1) If the camino is an allegory of life's journey, one thing I learned was that sometimes the most important thing is to keep on going in the face of difficulty and adversity, even when you feel like giving up. (as a side-note, I also learned that sometimes it's good to put your plans aside and rest for a bit before moving ahead with a difficult task).

2) I felt the Lord affirming to me that everything and everyone on Earth is his. That this camino, this spot on earth, these pilgrims, and the local inhabitants all belong to Him. He knows every person and every detail. It is his world and we are passing through it. It's a beautiful place, full of valuable things and people.

3) I finish my short camino with a renewed encouragement that the vision we have for a hostel/albergue in Santiago is both good and unique. I sense that there is a service we can provide these pilgrims that is not currently being provided in Santiago (that we are yet aware of). So much of the camino experience is about this special community, and I believe now more than ever that many pilgrims would really appreciate an albergue that creates a community space and environment that most hostels and albergues do not have.

4) My confidence in my fledgling Spanish skills grew over the week. Even thought feeling out of my depth at times, I definitely walk away knowing I can communate in Spanish better than ever before : - ) I really think one of God's gifts to me over my week of travel was continued community with Spaniards.

5) It's about the people and the relationships. Even though the setting is different, in the end, it's not that much different than real life. The walk is interesting, the landscape is beautiful, and the destination is cool. But all of that is secondary to the relationships and community you build along the way. The people are the real treasure of this journey.

...If it is your will.

Jesus never concluded a prayer for others with the phrase "...if it is your will." At least that is what Dallas Willard says in Celebration of Discipline. I havn't actually fact checked that one - but I'm going to accept it at face value for now... it is a pretty well respected and widely read book.

For some reason that really surprised me and captured my attention today. Prayer is such a mysterious thing. I feel very dichotomous if I think about it, because I know through both accumulated knowledge and experience that God answers prayers. I know the theological truth in my head, I've experienced it first-hand, and I've heard too many other personal stories to count. Yet still, so often, I pray with this "if" mindset, if not the exact words. He goes on to explain that using such a phrase is completely appropriate when seeking God's will in our own lives - and Jesus did the same. But when praying for someone else, it is so easy to approach it with uncertainty. It is a thought provoking reminder to consciously consider how I am praying.

Holy Leisure

"If we are constantly being swept off our feet with frantic activity, we will be unable to be attentive at the moment of inward silence. A mind that is harassed and fragmented by external affairs is hardly prepared for meditation. The church Fathers often spoke of Otium Sanctum, "holy leisure." It refers to a sense of balance in the life, and ability to rest and take time to enjoy beauty, an ability to pace oursevles. With our tendency to define people in terms of what they produce, we would do well to cultivate "holy leisure."

This passage is from a chapter on meditation in Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline. It got me thinking about how it does seem that much of my experience in American Christianity is one of frantic activity and defining ourselves by what we 'produce.' I think in that we are reflecting our broader American culture. I have heard many sermons about taking sabbath, but little more than making sure we take a day of week to rest. I also think that it seems many pastors (and missionaries) are driven by proving we did not choose this vocation because it's 'easy' - trying to prove to a rightly cynical world that we are productive. It is a pressure that I feel keenly (mostly internally) as we are in our early days here in Spain.

I know that this idea of holy leisure sounds good, and that I often choose to pursue other forms of leisure that add to the cacophony and frantic activity instead. I know I do not experience this sense of this holy leisure often enough, but I have experienced it enough to know it is good and life giving. I am sure I am not alone, and that many of us would benefit from pursuing God through this.

Who am I becoming?

In the aftermath of my final oral exam today, I've been thinking a bit about what I'm doing, and how I'm doing. As you might guess at that statement, it didn't feel like I did all that well - I won't know how I did until I see the results. But I can say that I've felt a lot of pressure, mostly internal, to really 'succeed' at learning Spanish. Obviously, if we want to not only survive here, but thrive in running a business and ministry, it's of the utmost importance. To add to that, I certainly feel added pressure to perform well because in a very real sense, this is my job at the moment. It seems simple enough - one thing. And there are many fantastic people who are sacrificing their prayers and finances for us to be here. So the felt pressure can be very real to me.

It's not something I readily admit, because it doesn't fit with my adaptive and flexible personality, but I do give quite a bit of thought and emotion to the things I am doing, and the next things I will be or ought to be doing. It was in this context I was reminded this morning of some words a friend spoke at church long ago. He was talking about following God's lead - seeking for his will and his leading. He made the point that it's not about what you are going to do, but it's about who you are going to be. God has made this point to me very clearly before, and for me, it's a powerful message, one that I tend to forget if I don't revisit it. I'm quite certain that God is far more concerned about who I am becoming than what I am doing for him. But I forget that too often. So today I am considering if I am living my life according to that reality. Am I spending enough time seeking God on who I am, and who I am becoming? Or am I spending more time and emotion than I ought on what I should be doing?

I definitely have lots to do - both now, and in the future. But I want to make sure I don't forget the importance of becoming who he is calling me to become in the midst of seeking a path forward as we figure out each next step.

Words about change

"The greatest problems of our time are not technological, for these we handle fairly well. They are not even political or economic, because the difficulties in these areas, glaring as they may be, are largely derivative. The greatest problems are moral and spiritual, and unless we can make some progress in these realms, we may not even survive. This is how advanced cultures have declined in the past."
- D. Elton Trueblood from the forward to Celebration of Discipline.

This statement did a good job verbalizing how I feel about the many issues in our world today. Not that I don't find things like politics important - I do. But in the end, I'm increasingly convinced that any long-lasting solutions must begin with spiritual and moral resolutions.

"Our world is hungry for genuinely changed people."

This just struck me as simply true. Nothing is more dramatic and motivating than deep and genuine change in a person you know.

"Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."

"Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself"
- Tolstoy

I must admit that I am as guilty of this as anyone else. I spend too much time thinking about changing everyone else, and too little time concerned with how Christ might be calling me to continue to change and become more and more like him.


Posting quotes is the second laziest way to blog (posting videos would be the first in my opinion), and today I am quite happy to take the easy route. It's also a simple way to recognize that often the things that are worthwhile thinking about originate outside of myself.

All of these are from Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, and are his unless otherwise noted.

Crabb-y

As part of my ongoing training with International Teams I recently finished reading Inside Out by Larry Crabb. I tried to write my own two sentence description of the book but was not satisfied with the results. None of the synopsis I found online seemed sufficient to me either. In a few words, he writes about how to achieve real and lasting change by addressing the pain in our life, and the sin our pain leads us to.

For those of you that know me, I am not naturally an introspective person, or one who dwells on pain for very long. So this book was a challenge for me to go through for many reasons. In fact, if it wasn't an 'assignment' it's hard to imagine I would have stuck with it. However, that does not mean it was a waste of time. It was a valuable read, and challenged me to think in ways I normally wouldn't. I encountered a number of things along the way that I thought would be worth sharing or repeating here on the blog.

Rather than write a snazzy two-sentence synopsis of the book, I thought I'd highlight three of the significant ideas I am walking away with from this book.

"We have not taken the truth that our heart is deceitful seriously enough."
Larry clearly has had enough of shallow Christianity, and of Christians who pretend that everything is fantastic, and that becoming a christian fixes everything in this world. He spends a lot of time exploring the pain in life, and encouraging the reader to face the pain in our lives. At times it seemed like he was essentially saying you either have issues and deep pain in your life, or you are in denial. That mindset frustrated me at points. But the book did help me see that there are ways in my life that I seek to protect myself from further pain that are in fact relational sin - meaning that in relationships I put my need for further protection from pain above Jesus' imperative to love God, and to Love others. And for me, part of the journey of this book was to face up to the fact that my heart is deceitful in that I can explain away this deep sin of the heart and live like things are just fine. This was not the first time this year I've considered these words in Jeremiah 17 " The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" To me it speaks to the mysteries of life. As the next verse states, God searches the heart and examines the mind - essentially - God can understand our hearts, but no one else. Us humans, we seem interminably incapable of discerning our own hearts, much less the hearts of others. If it were clear why would we have centuries of art and literature focused on exploring the human heart and spirit? This means that my own heart is unreliable. And if that is true, it is serious, more serious than I often act.

"When hints of sadness creep into our soul, we must not flee into happy or distracting thoughts."
Another aspect of my life was brought into clearer focus when reading this book - my propensity to selfishly 'demand' that I have time to myself to recover and be refreshed from the daily struggles and pressures of life. It illuminates where I do not fully trust God to provide for my needs, but instead seek to dig my own wells to seek refreshment when we have "living water" available to us. It has me evaluating my use of entertainment and recreation as an escape from daily life rather than seeking more of God and trusting him to provide the refreshment I need. I havn't yet found the pattern, but I intend to build a regular and consistent fast in my life from most forms of electronic media entertainment. (ie like one day a week, or one week a month, where I avoid surfing the internet, watching tv or movies on my own, etc).

"You must make a choice to live honestly."
I highlighted this in a previous posting, but this is the broadest, simplest, and perhaps the most significant take-away I got from the book. Most of the people I admire most are the ones that are the most transparent, and are the most ready to address life as it is, not as we want it to be. It is always refreshing to interact with such people. This book was a good reminder to make an active choice to live life honestly.

While I can't promise it's a fun read, I can recommend this book to anyone who is interested. In the spirit of fairness I should also state that Faith also read the book and really enjoyed it. Psychology majors - go figure.