Who am I becoming?

In the aftermath of my final oral exam today, I've been thinking a bit about what I'm doing, and how I'm doing. As you might guess at that statement, it didn't feel like I did all that well - I won't know how I did until I see the results. But I can say that I've felt a lot of pressure, mostly internal, to really 'succeed' at learning Spanish. Obviously, if we want to not only survive here, but thrive in running a business and ministry, it's of the utmost importance. To add to that, I certainly feel added pressure to perform well because in a very real sense, this is my job at the moment. It seems simple enough - one thing. And there are many fantastic people who are sacrificing their prayers and finances for us to be here. So the felt pressure can be very real to me.

It's not something I readily admit, because it doesn't fit with my adaptive and flexible personality, but I do give quite a bit of thought and emotion to the things I am doing, and the next things I will be or ought to be doing. It was in this context I was reminded this morning of some words a friend spoke at church long ago. He was talking about following God's lead - seeking for his will and his leading. He made the point that it's not about what you are going to do, but it's about who you are going to be. God has made this point to me very clearly before, and for me, it's a powerful message, one that I tend to forget if I don't revisit it. I'm quite certain that God is far more concerned about who I am becoming than what I am doing for him. But I forget that too often. So today I am considering if I am living my life according to that reality. Am I spending enough time seeking God on who I am, and who I am becoming? Or am I spending more time and emotion than I ought on what I should be doing?

I definitely have lots to do - both now, and in the future. But I want to make sure I don't forget the importance of becoming who he is calling me to become in the midst of seeking a path forward as we figure out each next step.