I love it when I encounter something in the Bible I havn't recognized or considered before. I was reading in Mark chapter 9 today when I was really struck by a voice that just resonated as familiar to me.
Setting the stage a little, Jesus was returning from the Transfiguration with Peter, James, and John to discover the other disciples in the midst of a crowd arguing with the teachers of the law. (Side note: we are told that "as soon as" the crowd recognized Jesus they were "overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him." Nobody seems to ignite a response like Jesus.) At the center of it all was a father who brought his demon possessed boy and asked the disciples to throw it out. They couldn't, and this verbal melee ensued, attracting the attention of a growing crowd. You can almost hear Jesus sigh and roll his eyes as he says "Oh unbelieving generation, how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?" It struck me today how publicly he expressed his frustration with the disciples. He sounds like an exasperated parent or teacher. In my imagination this is directed mostly at the disciples, but it certainly could have applied to the entire crowd.
Jesus asks for the boy and learns from the father that since childhood the demon has been throwing the boy to the ground with convulsions, gnashing of teeth, foaming at the mouth, and he becomes rigid. What is more, the father says the demon frequently throws the boy into fire and water trying to kill him. Can you imagine how tired and frustrated the father must have felt in the situation? He must have felt exhausted, helpless, and hopeless. Perhaps not completely hopeless, for he had come to the disciples looking for some relief. But even that resulted in yet another disappointment when they could not do anything for his son, and instead, an argument broke out with the teachers of the law.
This is the situation that Jesus walks into, and the father says to Jesus, "If you can do anything, take pity on us, and help us." I find it interesting that in his exasperation, the request is not only to heal the son, but to help "us." Because the suffering is not the son's alone. Jesus' response is one that I think I would often expect from the one who created the universe, but I don't feel like we often see in Jesus. He repeats back to the father what he had said, "If you can?" In our culture you expect that to be spoken with incredulousness, or perhaps some mocking. If you can?? Ha! You don't believe I can?? I won't pretend to know what was going through Jesus' mind. But I know that I am tempted to respond with some self-righteous defensive lecture when my ability is questioned. But whatever prompted Jesus to repeat that phrase, he continues simply saying "everything is possible for him who believes."
It's the father's response that sounded so familiar and hit so close to home. His response is immediate and instantaneous, as well as desperate, eager, and contradictory. "I do believe; help me with my unbelief!" He does believe, he desires to believe, he so badly needs to believe. But he needs help to get there too. I'm pretty sure this is where so many of us often find ourselves. In places of need, with hope and fear, faith and doubt, wanting help, and needing Jesus to show up and help us to even make healing possible.
I know for me it is easy at times to feel small and helpless, overwhelmed either by circumstances, or a task before me. I know in my head God is able to do all, and be all we need. But that knowledge is always within a context of hope and fear, and faith and doubt. Like the father, I somehow can both believe and yet need help to get over my unbelief.
It's interesting that the bible never follows up to share with us how the father responded to Jesus casting out the demon (if you didn't suspect this ended with Jesus casting out the demon, you can rest easy now). That omission allowed me to take some time and reflect on my own response to Jesus bridging the gap between the two of us to act in my own life.
Thank you Jesus that your love, faith, and power are all greater than my own shortcomings. Continue to grow my faith to help me overcome my unbelief and strengthen my belief. Thank you for caring. Thank you for being involved. All I could ever hope to become is totally dependent on you.